Ghoroya Meye…

I had to write this after my longest season of biyebaris and marriage receptions came to an end finally. With most of my friends turning 26 and Facebook turning into the “My Wedding & My Honeymoon” album advertiser, our walls have turned into RIP stones!
Firstly, congratulations to all my friends who have taken this legendary decision to get married…I have tried to attend as many ceremonies as I could and to those which I gave a miss, my tummy thanks me for doing so.
Secondly, warning to all my friends who have been inspired by these “stupid acts” of the above mentioned friends. You guys have seen the entire process and I hope you would not like to go through this grind and if you still do, well what can I say, the Supreme Court has legalized Euthanasia…
Anyway, let’s concentrate on the topic.
While we were cruising through these tummy churning receptions, a common topic kept cropping up,

what kind of a girl slash man do we want to get married with?
This was a common question that was thrown open to all the bachelors and bachelorettes (I have learnt this term recently so I am going to spray it all over this post just to show off the prowess of my vocabulary!)
The Bachelorettes (there I go again) had a common answer
• Tall (the girl may be 4 feet something but her guy has to be a member of the six feet category)
• Moneyed (well, how else can he pay for her 12,689 pair of shoes)
• Settled abroad (for a few, a few despised it though)
• Stylish (Formals with a small tummy wearing GKB glasses, the geeky look)
• Classy (someone who will think dirty but won’t say it)
• Humorous (well well well…let’s not even get in there)
• Loving & Caring (God knows what that means?)
Basically, not men but “Super Men” with their undies inside their trousers.
The bachelors though stuck to one word that has done rounds of all the Bong biyebaris for ages and now has turned into a myth, “Ghoroya Meye”…
Whenever a bachelor (who is above 25 and is single with no action for months) is asked about his choice of bride, the answer would invariably be “oi ekta ghoroya meye holei holo…”
I had often stumbled upon this myth and finally took it on myself to find out what on earth is this Ghoroya Meye????? So in an one convenient afternoon I sat down to enlist the various characteristics of a Ghoroya Meye…my research was based on the random kakus and kakimas and pishimas who had wanted to hitch me with a Ghoroya Meye…So guys here I go….

• The Opening credits… “Bujhli…Meyeta r monta khub bhalo…” be sure, she isn’t good looking at all. So she’s already lost round 1 and doesn’t have a choice, she has to have a good heart.

• Next would be… “Meye ta thik ajkal kar meye der moto na…oisob choto choto jama kapor pore na” – she hasn’t got the figure to pull off a jeans, in fact the only pair of jeans she possesses is a mid rise that she wears up to her, well… has an ensemble of ill fitted Salwars and Chhapa Saris…doesn’t wax, has thicker whiskers than Nathulalji.

• Next Up… “Oi sob engreji medium e meyeder moto patash patash kore mukher upor kotha bole na….”- bad English, ZERO sense of humor, and she’s a very close cousin of Bappida… “Her Engleesh is definately going to hut (hurt) yeeeooor hut (heart)!”

• Next in line would be, “Darun gaan gaye…rabindra, nojrul, adhunik…” – Chhapa Sari, khopa e belful and harmonium clad! If her singing isn’t going to kill you, the scent of the belful will certainly do the honors!

• Aage…. "Porasuna te bhison bhalo, ebar para e kobita r potijogita te fast hoyeche…” – Madhyamik & UcchoMadhyamik from Nari Hatya Mandir, now Bangla Honors from Giribala Nari Uchhed College and “Fast” prize winner in the recitation competition organized by Potol Danga Thunder Club! (don’t even ask her which kobita she recited)

• Tarpor… “Khub lokkhi meye, gharer sob kaj pare, mane saradin to barite thake…” – run as fast as you can, she is a tailor made Kajer mashi who has done her PhD in Star Jalsha mega serials and with K series as her specialization! She will turn your life into hell complaining about your mom and will suspect you of cheating even if you talk to your age old friend who by some divine injustice is a girl!

Well there you go guys, I have given you a small guide at what is a Ghoroya Meye????
My advice, hook up with any bachelorette among your friends, try to please the boudis, conquer the Cougars but don’t fall into the trap known as the Ghoroya Meye but if you still think you want to go ahead, do it at your own peril, just don’t forget to send me the invite!

Disclaim“Her”
All characters and events in this post are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any bachelorette (once more) in real, but any resemblance to any bachelorette (love it) or married (living or dead), institution and event are purely “fun”- intentional and pun intended!