2011…from the King to the Midget

2011…from the King to the Midget

The year that brought smiles to the faces of millions, left quite a few wrinkled eyebrows with its departure. The Melbourne test had sent down that same cold shudder that was felt a few months back in England.
The year though kicked off with the World Cup victory that brought an end to a long-awaited Indian dream that had been nurtured for the last two decades. Finally on the 2nd of April, the
yearnings were answered with a six by MS Dhoni over wide long on. The swish of his
flashing blade after the shot will remain as Dhoni's signature forever much like Kapil Dev's catch off Viv Richards in the 1983 final.
But what made India pull the World Cup out of Australia's grasp?
Short answer…Planning. If we carefully look at the series preceding the World Cup, we would see a stream of thought that headed towards picking the correct resources for the high profile
tournament. The resources were smartly chosen and sparingly used. The nucleus of the side seemed nice and tight. The gaping holes in the bowling line up were filled up beautifully by a Munaf Patel and Ravichandran Ashwin and the inclusion of the Kohlis and Rainas perked up the pace on the park. Still, India began the tournament as an unsettled favorite, hiccupping and struggling through their league phase. But it all changed after the first knock out night against the Aussies- India came out mean, lean and committed. The Indian fielders dived and chased the ball to squeeze out the runs and while chasing Yuvraj and Raina kept their cool in front of a large crowd at the Sardar Patel Stadium. After that one knew that India will go all the way.
India's World Cup glory was the result of proper planning and a collective effort from the unheralded Munaf Patel, the phoenix named Yuvraj Singh and from a “wounded” few left with an unfinished business from the Wanderers in 2003.
In the space of the next two months though the table turned and it turned hard. The World Champs of the shorter format and the Numero Uno in tests tasted bitter failure. India was shell shocked during the English Summer where the team failed to win a single game and got whipped 4-0 in both tests and ODIs.
What went wrong?
World Cup and IPL fatigue, not enough warm-up games, injuries, DRS, bad luck…
All of the above but still the real answer is - Planning, more than the English outplaying India, they out planned India. Except a resilient Rahul Dravid and a spirited Praveen Kumar, India look flat and out of steam. The best English batting line up in years took advantage and piled up the runs, handing the English a series victory after 1996. Many questioned India’s Number one status in tests but let me remind you at the beginning of 2011, India gritted out a 1-1 series in South Africa to validate their ranking. But again nothing succeeds like success, and India’s success overseas took a serious beating in England.
Melbourne was supposed to be India’s revival ground. A fit Zaheer Khan, a quick Umesh Yadav and an improved Ishant Sharma held the bowling attack in good stead. The hopes rose after a few rising Umesh bumpers hurled into Ricky Ponting’s helmet and Ed Cowan’s midriff. The hopes rose even higher as Sachin Tendulkar scorched the MCG green with his Upper Cuts and delicious drives but as they say old habits die hard. It all went pear shaped when Peter Siddle found the gap between the Maestro’s bat and pad. The moving ball removed the Indian middle order and polished off the tail. A test that India should have won… lost in three and a half days!
What next?
India might still pick themselves up against Australia, but the summer of 4-0 has unearthed some relevant conclusions. Against quality bowling in trying conditions, there still are vulnerable spots in the batting line-up. The inability of polishing of the tail thus handing good test averages to Broad, Swann, Siddle and Pattinson. Dropping important catches, MS Dhoni’s defensive
captaincy and batting form, Gautam Gambhir’s dismissals and of course losing the key moments in a test match.
2011…thus remains as a significant year for Indian cricket. It’s a year that made us the Kings of the shorter version, also has rung the alarm bells about our abilities in the Longer Format.
I hope someone’s listening….

Shit Happens!

27…yes guys, along with the heavy rains wishes poured in for my 27th birthday and just like the famed “nimno chaap” sweeping the state, I too felt a few chaaps up my ass.
They say that the teenage is the most confusing stage of life and if you can fight through that then the rest of your life is a smooth sail.
Whoever said this is a liar or died of drug overdose in his/her teens.
So my answer to that is Shut the F*** up…Smooth Sail……Even Captain Jack Sparrow can’t guarantee it!
If teenage is confusing, the mid twenties hurl you in the stranger tides of life and unresolved issues of Roti, Kapda and of course Ladki crop up their heads like mermaids.

So how does it feel like being 27?
When are you getting married?
Big boy, now you’re a man…time to take some decisions…
Time to settle down…man

Excerpts from a few birthday wishes that poured in with advices and questions for my future… words like DECISIONS, FUTURE, MAN and of course MARRIAGE made my heart skip well… quite a few beats and when you notice the streaks of grey hair adorn your “super cool” spikes the nimno chaap certainly becomes urdhogami! It becomes even weirder when you see a lot people of the same age who’s got it all figured out while you still fantasize about the Munnis, Shielas and the latest Jalebi Bais!
I really don’t know about others but my life has definitely not turned out to be the fairy tale that I once wished it would…in the past 27 years my RFT ratio hasn’t been admirable. I have screwed up more than I have got it right but again I have loved making those Miss-takes and they have only enriched my experience.
Of course, there are times when I completely hate my life and shout out - Ja Chudail at it, when my daddy also feels that am his biggest Gaalti, when my maan ka tanpura strings out the raga of frustration and makes me feel that my bheja is nothing but savage garden of useless crap but that’s perhaps is the fun of it…the more you try to sort it out, the more complicated it becomes.
Toh ab tera kya hoga re Kaaliya?????
Just accept that Shit happens when you’re on the wrong side of the twenties. Then you’re left with two options…
• Mature fast, get married and get it all figured out
OR
• Put on your earplugs, get READY for some kickass action, pick up whatever comes your way and keep running with your MP3 player screaming….Bhag bhag DK BOSE!!!!!!

Ghoroya Meye…

I had to write this after my longest season of biyebaris and marriage receptions came to an end finally. With most of my friends turning 26 and Facebook turning into the “My Wedding & My Honeymoon” album advertiser, our walls have turned into RIP stones!
Firstly, congratulations to all my friends who have taken this legendary decision to get married…I have tried to attend as many ceremonies as I could and to those which I gave a miss, my tummy thanks me for doing so.
Secondly, warning to all my friends who have been inspired by these “stupid acts” of the above mentioned friends. You guys have seen the entire process and I hope you would not like to go through this grind and if you still do, well what can I say, the Supreme Court has legalized Euthanasia…
Anyway, let’s concentrate on the topic.
While we were cruising through these tummy churning receptions, a common topic kept cropping up,

what kind of a girl slash man do we want to get married with?
This was a common question that was thrown open to all the bachelors and bachelorettes (I have learnt this term recently so I am going to spray it all over this post just to show off the prowess of my vocabulary!)
The Bachelorettes (there I go again) had a common answer
• Tall (the girl may be 4 feet something but her guy has to be a member of the six feet category)
• Moneyed (well, how else can he pay for her 12,689 pair of shoes)
• Settled abroad (for a few, a few despised it though)
• Stylish (Formals with a small tummy wearing GKB glasses, the geeky look)
• Classy (someone who will think dirty but won’t say it)
• Humorous (well well well…let’s not even get in there)
• Loving & Caring (God knows what that means?)
Basically, not men but “Super Men” with their undies inside their trousers.
The bachelors though stuck to one word that has done rounds of all the Bong biyebaris for ages and now has turned into a myth, “Ghoroya Meye”…
Whenever a bachelor (who is above 25 and is single with no action for months) is asked about his choice of bride, the answer would invariably be “oi ekta ghoroya meye holei holo…”
I had often stumbled upon this myth and finally took it on myself to find out what on earth is this Ghoroya Meye????? So in an one convenient afternoon I sat down to enlist the various characteristics of a Ghoroya Meye…my research was based on the random kakus and kakimas and pishimas who had wanted to hitch me with a Ghoroya Meye…So guys here I go….

• The Opening credits… “Bujhli…Meyeta r monta khub bhalo…” be sure, she isn’t good looking at all. So she’s already lost round 1 and doesn’t have a choice, she has to have a good heart.

• Next would be… “Meye ta thik ajkal kar meye der moto na…oisob choto choto jama kapor pore na” – she hasn’t got the figure to pull off a jeans, in fact the only pair of jeans she possesses is a mid rise that she wears up to her, well… has an ensemble of ill fitted Salwars and Chhapa Saris…doesn’t wax, has thicker whiskers than Nathulalji.

• Next Up… “Oi sob engreji medium e meyeder moto patash patash kore mukher upor kotha bole na….”- bad English, ZERO sense of humor, and she’s a very close cousin of Bappida… “Her Engleesh is definately going to hut (hurt) yeeeooor hut (heart)!”

• Next in line would be, “Darun gaan gaye…rabindra, nojrul, adhunik…” – Chhapa Sari, khopa e belful and harmonium clad! If her singing isn’t going to kill you, the scent of the belful will certainly do the honors!

• Aage…. "Porasuna te bhison bhalo, ebar para e kobita r potijogita te fast hoyeche…” – Madhyamik & UcchoMadhyamik from Nari Hatya Mandir, now Bangla Honors from Giribala Nari Uchhed College and “Fast” prize winner in the recitation competition organized by Potol Danga Thunder Club! (don’t even ask her which kobita she recited)

• Tarpor… “Khub lokkhi meye, gharer sob kaj pare, mane saradin to barite thake…” – run as fast as you can, she is a tailor made Kajer mashi who has done her PhD in Star Jalsha mega serials and with K series as her specialization! She will turn your life into hell complaining about your mom and will suspect you of cheating even if you talk to your age old friend who by some divine injustice is a girl!

Well there you go guys, I have given you a small guide at what is a Ghoroya Meye????
My advice, hook up with any bachelorette among your friends, try to please the boudis, conquer the Cougars but don’t fall into the trap known as the Ghoroya Meye but if you still think you want to go ahead, do it at your own peril, just don’t forget to send me the invite!

Disclaim“Her”
All characters and events in this post are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any bachelorette (once more) in real, but any resemblance to any bachelorette (love it) or married (living or dead), institution and event are purely “fun”- intentional and pun intended!

MYSELF......

Chotobela xams e ekta essay bar bar asto, MYSELF…..r protibar e puro mukhoster moto likhe jetam….am a good boy, obedient son, ambitious ro koto hena tena, kintu ekhon ei kotha ta jiggyesh korlei bhison chaape pore jae….nijeke bhalo bolle history ta chok rangae, nijeke handsum bolle geography khilkhil kore hese othe, bhalo student bolle report card gulo obak chokhe takae…..ta ei AMI bostu ta je ki seta byakhya korata amar kache helmet chara Dale steyn k face korar moto…tae sobai k khub chendo bhasae nijer background ta di…ekti Tuke pass kora Chemical engineer je du bochor dhore IT te gesta gechor kore hothat TV te anchor hote cheyechilo…..tae chakri charar moto mukhami o korechilo….sekhane sob kichu bhaloi cholchilo kintu hothat lyf er ekta googly te career er middle stump ta chitke gelo….bas r ki ekhn abar nijeke khuje berachi r oi ek e proshno ta barbar korchi…who AM I???? ekhono kono uttor payni….hoyto pabo o na may b etae lyf oi j The Pursuit of…ki jeno ekta bole na!!

kobe katbe twenty ten!!!!!!!!

Likhte bose moner modhye ghurche onek kotha,
Upor upor deto hasi, bhitor e hebby batha…
Batha r kotha bolbo ki bhai, futche hajar pin,
Cholchilo sob aish kore, hothat bodle gelo scene…
Korte giye revolution khelam totaalll case,
Heroine o amay dekhie kola khuje nilo Fresh face…
Chilam bhalo Engineer, IT jogot niye,
Banshjharta nijei nilam NDTV giye…
Kichu na bhebei niyechilum, hothat ekta jump,
Life o marlo tumul googly, urlo middle stump…
Ekhon bose pavilion e chatchi nijer gha,
Jekhanei di interview, sobai bolche NA...
Barite bose gilchi tobu hochi na boss FAT,
Ebar baba r kotha sune hoche dite CAT…
Jedike takai rasta na pai sudhui Blind Lane,
Moner modhye kakuti … kaka kobe katbe twenty ten!!!!!!!!

bishwoCup 2010

Pagol Diego parlo nako, hotash korlo Rooney
Quarter e te Brazil jetei hahutash bani.
Total choralo chotto Messi, Super flop Kaka,
Argentina biday nitei bangali r Bishwocup faka.
Thomas Mueller jaat chenalo, Ghana o dilo Gyaan,
Long ranger e mon bhoralo Diego Forlan.
Lippi r team hochot khelo, mukh poralo Henry
Low er sporshe German dol ghoralo tader chori.
Shakira r waka waka te kaka sobai fatalo gola,
Ebar hit ekjon e boss, naam tar VUVUZELA.
Fabregas er maapa pass e Iniesta r goal,
Spain fello bishwo jure darun hottogol.
Del Bosque r darun chhoke sobar uthlo navishas,
Spain er montro chotto chilo, Hum Tum r Pass Pass!

MODI r DOKAN

Khullo abar MODI r dokan, uthlo abar jhor

Kinte Dada, Sachin, Pollard, hankche sobai dor……

Bish over er mojar khela, haazar binodon

Ek team te shilpa shetty , onno team e DON……….

Chok dhadhano jersey sobar, nanan tate AD

Beguni rong er pentulun r rangta mora PAD…..

Nach-che jhinku cheerleader, song-e bajche dhak

Hothat dekhi kothae hawa Bhogle kaka r tak……

Korbo Lorbo onek holo, Jitbo kobe Cup?

Todi r dewa Ganjee pore, hothat birol chaap……

Enechi dhore Guufo Whatmore, eseche Wasim bhai

Tora je ja bolis bhai…..ebar sonar cup ti chai…….

Khela e hocche asol guru, bujheche ebar DON

Ghardhakka diye bidey korlo Buchanon……

Kiwi r desher Bond o elo, barate team er goti,

David Hussey joldi eso, noyle bishal khoti…..

Esob to bhai team er kotha, asol kotha asi

IPL er bapok jore, bollywood o basi

Test cricketer ki je hobe, bhable lage bhoy….

Bolo he sobai, Modern Packer Lalit Modi r JOY!!!!!!